


Don't listen to your friends (they only care once and a while)

by Iamtheoneandonly



Series: The Draw [1]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drugs, Hurt!Danny, M/M, Overdose, Panic Attacks, Recovery, Whump, suicidal thought
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 17:12:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5172452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamtheoneandonly/pseuds/Iamtheoneandonly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After everything that's happened, Danny's not alright.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't listen to your friends (they only care once and a while)

**Don’t listen to your friends (They only care once and a while)**

 

It all creeps up on him, starting from when he first meets Steve. Being a cop is a high-stress job butfive-0 takes it to a whole new level.

 

He only starts noting the symptoms after Columbia. But he doesn’t think that the chronic insomnia, panic attacks or complete lack of interest in pretty much anything is that worrying. He puts it down to re-adjustment after that prison.

 

And it’s not like anyone actually cares; now that Kono has Adam, Chin has finally started dating again after Malia and Steve still not quite over the whole thing with his mother and Wo Fat.

 

And in some ways, Danny is _glad_ that all the attention is away from him, because the team isn’t stupid and he’d never been able to escape from the full force of Steve’s scrutiny. And Kono’s even worse.

 

So now he’s alone in his apartment with his intrusive thoughts. The one’s that ask him if anyone would actually care if he just picked up his gun and shot himself. Probably his landlord for the bloodstains on the carpet. He’s pretty sure that five-0 would cope without him, they could deal with being back down to four.

 

But he’s far too cowardly to do that, so instead he drinks. Just like he did after Rachel, except he’s alone now because Matt’s _gone._ And it’s all Danny’s fault, he could have stopped him getting on that plane all those years ago and maybe he’d still be alive. When he thinks back to that oil barrel, he has to rush to the bathroom to throw up everything that’s in his stomach.

 

He thinks back to the funeral and his mothers gaze that had silently asked him: _Why couldn’t you save him? You’re his big brother, you’re meant to protect him._ He had a feeling that he wouldn’t be welcome there again for a long time. But he couldn’t blame them, they were right, he had failed in his duty to his family.

 

Which left him in limbo, Hawaii was more than just a place now, it was a sort-of home. Jersey was still his true home and he wasn’t ever sure he’d properly fit in here, but it was all familiar to him now, and he wasn’t quite sure what to think about that.

 

So instead he just put it all out of his mind and tried not to think about it. He went into the office and pretended that everything was fine; he still ranted at Steve, never drove his own car, and got shot at pretty much everyday. But there was a new detachment to it all, like he just didn’t _care_ about what they were doing. It had gotten to the point where he could have gotten shot and wouldn’t have done anything, just lay there bleeding until he died.

 

The thought scared him enough to realise that there was something seriously wrong, with him but not enough to warrant him getting any help. He could have called Steve, but he was wrapped up with Catherine’s return and he didn’t want to disturb that. The man deserved some happiness in his life after everything he’s been through. Although from what he’s seen, she’s still staying at the Sheraton, maybe they’re taking it slow? Still he knows Steve’s over there most nights, and it doesn’t take a detective to work out what they’re up to.

 

Lou still hadn’t quite gotten over his best friend’s betrayal and Danny didn’t think that they were quite close enough for the sort of talk that Danny wanted.

 

Kono and Chin were out to. Kono and Adam had enough to deal with with the Yakuza as well as their upcoming wedding and Chin along with his new girlfriend were still in the honeymoon phase and Danny really didn’t want to disturb that for them.

 

He admitted to himself that he was pretty lonely, he hadn’t done anything outside of work for what felt like months, didn’t have the energy to, what with Steve still insisting on going in without backup. Leaving Danny to try and save his reckless ass at least three days a week. 

 

So he sucks it up and deals, just like he’s been doing his whole life. He gets up the morning, skips breakfast because his nightmares make his stomach turn, does his hair, smiles at Chin and Kono on the way in, does all of Steve’s paperwork. Because seriously, the man’s handwriting is like a toddler’s and he has zero tact when it comes to phrasing reports.

 

Besides Steve seems far too wrapped up in Catherine to actually do all of his paperwork. For the first time ever Steve actually arrives at nine and leaves at five, instead of passing out on the couch in his office that he used to do more often than not. Danny lets out a small smile of the memories ofcoming in to find Steve sprawled half hanging off the couch, and him startling awake when Danny poured cold water over his face. 

 

He copes, deals with all his problems and he honestly feels like it’s getting a bit better. Then Rachel drops the bomb that he’s Charlie’s father and he feels himself slipping again. It gets worse when she tells him about his illness and Danny knows that he’s gripping onto his sanity by a thread.

 

Luckily Kamekona doesn’t ask too many questions when he asks where he can get some prescription pills without going to the doctor and without control freak McGarrett finding out. Obviously he knows that if Steve pushed the guy, he’d cave but thankfully Steve’s occupied and soon he’s popping Temazepam to get him to sleep.When he wakes, the bags under his eyes have faded slightly and the nightmares have been kept at bay.

 

Then Kono’s wedding happens, along with the typical McGarrett brand of danger and near-destruction. And he has to pop a Xanax to stop himself from having a full-blown panic attack on the way. As Kono hugs him once he’s off the helicopter, he realises that he is really touch-starved these days, he wants to stay there in her arms for longer but they’ve got a wedding to get to and Danny isn’t that selfish.

 

He pretends to be happy, mostly for Grace’s and Kono’s sake. Rachel comes to pick Grace up early because she’s going away to England tomorrow for the rest of summer, and Danny heads home soon after that, citing too much action for one day. Steve gives him a look but lets it slide and Danny leaves without another word.

 

In reality the Xanax has worn off and he knows he’s headed for the panic attack that he held off earlier. His hands are shaking as he gets in the car and by some miracle he makes it home without crashing. His tie feels like a noose and he pulls it off, stumbling into his room and falling onto the bed. He’s breathing hard and his chest feels like someone’s sitting on it. His hands are shaking even more now as he tries to get the buttons of his shirt off, the clothes are strangling him and he feels trapped and dizzy. And shit, this is the worst one yet. He reaches blindly for the little bottle that should be on his nightstand. He knocks it to the floor by accident and curses, scrabbling around on the floor to get it. He pops two and hopes that it’ll counteract the effects of his attack.

 

Danny slumps to the floor, leaning against the wall and trying to take deep breaths but his lungs aren’t cooperating so he settles for short little gasps that leave him feeling slightly dizzy.

 

The drugs kick in and soon enough it’s all he can do to just strip off the rest of his clothes and crawl into bed, thankful that he knows that there won’t be nightmares tonight. He’s come close to death…again and he’s starting to wonder if he can take it anymore.

 

The next day brings a fucking treasure hunt for some stupid lost pirate’s loot, complete with the traditional getting shot at and a hike in the jungle with superSEAL. It all ends as well as can be, with no treasure and none of them dead. Then he hears about Kono and Adam and he swears that life hates him enough that he can’t have happiness without some form of pain.

 

He’s spiralling out of control, can it feel as he slowly gets closer to the edge of what he can take and knows that the inevitable will come if he doesn’t do something, now. Again he’s left with a choice, tell someone or keep it quiet and he really can’t bear the thought of someone having to deal with his problems as well as their own, he knows what it’s like to be leaned on and he doesn’t wish that on anyone else.

 

It all comes to a head one Tuesday evening, about a month after the wedding. Kono’s been doing half-days to look after Adam while Chin and his new girlfriend are out on a date, so he’s alone at the office. Steve’s nowhere to be found and Danny can’t help but worry that he’s okay. Catherine’s gone, for good it seems after a far too brief stay and Steve’s been more like he was when they first came together. A little rough around the edges with that wild look in his eye that takes Danny back to the shark-cage days. With the new governor, they’d never be allowed to do that.

 

Nevertheless Danny’s selfishness rears it’s ugly head and he can’t quite face dealing with Steve right now to comfort him, because now she’s gone his focus will be back on someone else. And Danny knows that Steve’s always been able to see past all his bullshit. He just hopes that the fact that he’d been able to hide from everyone else will hold true for Steve. He can’t slip up now, it’s been too long. Hardly even knows himself underneath the drugs and denial

 

He’s almost finished the paperwork from their last case, faking Steve’s signature which has become something of a habit as of late. Saves him time so he can drop the files off without waiting a week for Steve to sign on the dotted line. And really, the man was a SEAL, he should be able to sign something promptly, considering that’s all he has to do.

 

Suddenly there’s a commotion outside and Danny hears two people entering, he goes for his gun and raises it, intent on shooting the intruders.

 

Thankfully it’s just Steve hauling a dirty looking guy in handcuffs though the offices, and maybe it’s the exhaustion or the pill he took earlier to curb another panic attack, the fourth this week, but it takes him a minute to recognise just who Steve has arrested. Danny freezes in the doorway.

 

The man looks up and sees him, a dopey smile spreading onto his face, “Hey _haole!_ Didn’t think I’d be seeing you here, you mind telling your friend to let me go and I’ll even hook you up for free next time” The man says, obviously high and Danny wants to slap himself in the face.

 

Steve stops abruptly and the man stumbles back, he turns to face Danny and give him a suspicious questioning look.

 

Danny tries to stutter out some excuse, waving his hands but nothing comes out and he’s left standing in the door to his office with his boss and the guy who’s been selling him (illegal) prescription drugs. He may as well just put his handcuffs on because there is no way he’s going to get out of this one.

 

Drug guy smiles and bursts out laughing and that seems to snap Steve out of it, he resumes hauling the guy off to the interrogation room but not before turning around and nailing Danny with a hard look.

 

“Don’t go anywhere, we’ll be talking about this later” He says like a threat and Danny wonders if he’ll be next in the interrogation room after the guy.

 

He goes back into the office and sits down, he tries to finish the paperwork but his hands are shaking too much and it isn’t long before he’d stumbling for the bathroom to throw up everything in his stomach. He sits there with his head against the bowl for a little while, just trying to calm his erratic breathing.

 

But his mind’s in turmoil and he can’t stop thinking of all the worst possible scenarios that could happen when he and Steve ‘talk’. He knows for a fact that the guy will talk, he has no reason not to now that he knows he’s going to prison. His carefully crafted facade lays around him in ruins.

 

He could lose Grace, and if that happens he knows it’ll kill him. She’s still away in England with Rachel and for once he’s happy his monkey isn’t anywhere near him when he’s like this.

 

He doesn’t know how long he sits there but eventually he pulls himself up and leaves on shaky legs, he goes and changes into a clean shirt and flushes the rest of the pills in his locker. May as well get rid of some of the evidence.

 

Steve’s not there when he returns to his office and he debates leaving and dealing with this all tomorrow. But knowing Steve he’d follow him home and demand they do it right then and there. He’s stubborn like that.

 

He’s really starting to shake now, not just his hands but full body tremors that mean he can’t do anything but sit there and wait, like some kid in the principal’s office. Waiting to be punished for something that was really all Steve’s fault.

 

But he can’t blame Steve for everything, looking back now he thinks he probably could have done something else rather than drugs. But now that his job with five-0 is pretty much over, he won’t be getting shot at so much and maybe he’ll get better.

 

He’s so deep in thought that he doesn’t notice Steve’s returned until he hears the door shut and footsteps approach his desk. He pretends to be finishing off a form before looking up at Steve.

 

God, he looks _pissed_ and Danny thinks he may as well just put his gun and badge on the desk and leave now. But Steve takes one look at him and his face softens into pity and Danny frowns.

 

“My office, now” He says quietly standing with his arms crossed and that hard look in his eye.

 

Danny swallows, “But-“ He tries but eventually just nods and follows behind Steve meekly as they cross the bullpen into his office.

 

Instead of going for the desk like Danny expected him to, he take a seat on the sofa, gesturing for Danny to sit next to him, he complies.

 

Steve turns to face him, placing one hand on his shoulder, “Danny, I need to know now, what have you taken and how long have you been taking it? Do you need to go to hospital?” He asks seriously, concern in his eyes.

 

Danny frowns again, “Surely he told you all that? And no, I’m fine, I haven’t taken anything today.” He replies and he knows he’s deflecting, and lying, but he can’t quite help trying to get out of this and isn’t Steve overreacting a little with the whole hospital thing.

 

“I’d rather hear it straight from you”

 

And Danny’s angry by that, how dare he act like this, like he actually _cares_ because it’s too little too late and Danny just wants to punch that pitying look off Steve’s face.

 

He jumps up from the sofa and starts pacing, trying to formulate a sentence that will adequately convey just how fucking tired he is of all this shit.

 

“Do you know what Steven? Fuck off! You know it’s been months and you don’t get to just suddenly start acting like you care as soon as your lieutenant has gone. Like you just move onto the next best thing. Well I’m fucking tired of it, you didn’t notice then and you sure as hell don’t deserve to know now. To be perfectly honest with you Steven I’m done, with five-0, with you, with life general. So either arrest me or let me go” He settles on, finishing with an ultimatum.

 

Steve’s sitting there, shell-shocked and Danny waits for him to answer. When nothing comes out he huffs turns on his heel and storms out, not caring about how he’s left his wallet, keys and phone on the desk or that his hands still haven’t stopped shaking.

 

Once he’s outside, he feels a little clearer and takes a deep breath of cool night air. He hasn’t really thought this through but he’ll be dammed if he goes back in there to face Steve, so he just starts walking.

 

He doesn’t have any particular destination in mind, he knows that the first place Steve will look is his home, so he heads off in the opposite direction, hands shoved deep in his pockets and shoulders hunched against the cold.

 

The more he walks, the less angry he feels and the bone-deep sadness that’s become a part of him returns. He shouldn’t have yelled at Steve like that but Steve shouldn’t have acted like he suddenly cares again. He’s worked out that no one really does for any length of time, they’ve all got someone more important. Kono has Adam, Lou has his family, Chin’s got a girlfriend and Steve had Catherine. Even Grace has her mother and Stan. He’s destined to be alone.

 

He hears someone pull up beside him and turns to see a HPD cruiser, he groans and hopes that Steve didn’t decide to put out a BOLO for him, although he wouldn’t be surprised.

 

“Hey Detective, you alright there?” The officer asks.

 

So Steve has obviously let him go, “Yeah fine thanks, just clearing my head. It’s a nice night” He says by way of explanation, hoping that the officer will buy it and let him go.

 

“Yeah it is, might want to check your car later though. I saw McGarrett tearing out of the palace with it when I left, be a shame to mess up such a nice ride”

 

Danny freezes and just about manages to get through the rest of the conversation with the officer before he’s pulling away. He walks away from the side of the road an sits down on a bench.

 

He has no idea what Steve’s doing or where he’s gone with his car. Hopefully he won’t have to face him till morning, preferably never, and he wonders if he can make it back to his apartment from here. He’s walked quite a way and knows that his earlier sickness has weakened him.

 

But he has no one to call and no way to call anyone even if he did. The guy who he’d normally go to is currently in a cell back at five-0 and the stuff he wants is all the way back at his apartment.

 

In the end he settles for walking anyway, even if it’s going to take him a good six hours to get back at this rate. His shirt’s drying against him, making him shiver and wrap his arms around himself.

 

He makes it about halfway back before he hears the tell-tale roar of Chin’s motorcycle pull up beside him. The man’s got his zen look on but it’s marred by sympathy. Danny blinks at him to see if he’s actually real and not some fucked up hallucination.

 

Chin climbs off and comes over to him, placing both hands on his arms and looking down at him. 

 

“Come on brah, let’s get you home. Steve’s been worried sick about you” Is all he says as he guides Danny back to the bike and climbs on, waiting until Danny’s got his arms around his waist before pulling off again.

 

Danny tries not to think on the way back, letting the sound of the bikes engine lull him into a sort of trance.

 

They pull up outside the palace and Danny can’t see either Kono’s car or his Camaro, he doesn’t know if that means they’re out looking for him as well. Chin helps him off the bike and stays silent as they walk back into the palace.

 

It feels different being back now, even though he was here mere hours ago. The tech table’s have been turned back on, even though the clock says it’s nearly one in the morning. His minds gone a little fuzzy and he’d having trouble thinking straight, and he can feel his legs start to give under him.

 

But Chin props him up and hauls him into Steve’s office, where he lays him gently on the sofa. Danny’s a little spaced out and not quite aware of everything so he thinks he zones out until Chin magically appears with a bottle of water and a blanket. And honestly the man’s a saint, not just for being here in the middle of the night but for not saying anything. Danny knows he’s going to savour the silence when Steve inevitably turns up.

 

He zones out again and comes back to himself lying on the sofa, the blanket draped over him, he turns his head and can make out Kono and Steve talking just outside the office, he can tell by her shaking head and Steve’s defensive crossed arms that it’s not a happy chat. He can’t see Chin.

 

Right now he doesn’t want to deal with any of them, he’s alright to just lay here for a little while longer until he feels more clear-headed and less like he’s drunk. Steve and his ‘talk’ is just going to have to wait, because he needs sleep and everything that’s happened seems to be good enough as those pills at getting him to sleep.

 

————

 

He’s confused when he wakes next, there’s sunlight on his face and he’s been moved from the couch to a bed. When he opens he eyes, he instantly recognises Steve’s guest room and knows he’s in for it. Luckily there’s no one with him and it gives him time to process his thoughts. Someone’s undressed him at some point as he’d now wearing an oversized tee, (probably Steve’s) and his boxers.

 

Danny hears someone coming up the stairs and knows that he won’t be able to feign sleep any longer, he really hopes it isn't Steve and breathes a sign of relief when Kono pops her head around the door. He gives her a soft, sleepy smile in the hopes the placate her and she beams back at him before coming in fully and sitting down on the bed.

 

“Hey Danny, how you feeling this morning?” She asks carefully.

 

“Um yeah, fine you know. Why exactly am I here?” He’s even more confused by the question, why exactly wouldn’t he be alright? He’s been alright for months. Well, everyone’s been _thinking_ he’s alright, and that’s the same sort of thing.

 

Kono’s smile drops a little, “I’ll let Steve explain that one” She says cryptically and Danny sighs, he wishes someone would just tell him what the hell’s going on.

 

“Right well, that’s nice but I should probably get ready” He says and hopes she gets the hint.

 

She shoots him an odd look and when he tries to pull himself up, she pushes him gently back down again, “Nope, Steve’s put you on medical leave, indefinitely.”

 

Danny freezes in shock, mouth agape, “He’s _what?_ Why the hell would he do that? I’m fine”

 

Kono looks pained, and reaches out to put a hand on his face, stroking his cheek lightly, “No Danny you’re really not, and we’re all so sorry that we didn’t notice sooner”

 

Danny thinks he must have hit his head at some point along the way because none of this is making sense to him. It seems as soon as he goes on one little late night stroll, he needs some time off. It’s ridiculous and he and Steve will be having words about this later.

 

“So can I at least get out of bed?” He tries.

 

“Yeah sure, Steve’s downstairs and Chin’s gone in to hold down the fort for the day. I’ll leave you to it” She says as she gets up and leaves, giving him one last look as she disappears out the door.

Danny sighs and slumps back in the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He feels weird, like he’s woken up in some parallel dimension when everyone suddenly cares about him. Maybe this is all just a dream and he’ll wake up back in his own bed, ready to face another day of Steve taming.

 

He pulls himself out of bed and into the bathroom, surprised to see a new toothbrush and toothpaste sitting there on the counter. Well if nothing else, Steve’s always prepared. He washes up and heads back into the bedroom hopeful to find something other than what he slept into wear. If he’s going to be facing Steve then he’d rather be in something else, preferably body armour. 

 

In the end he finds an old pair of his own sweatpants and another tee, obviously left from one of the last times he crashed here. There’s no hair gel though so he valiantly tries to smooth in back before resigning himself to leaving it a mess.

 

He looks in the mirror again and takes a couple of deep breaths, mentally psyching himself up for facing Steve. He looks pretty awful, with deep bags under his eyes, messy hair and his clothes. He knows that this moment was going to happen at some point, he was just expecting less sympathy and slightly more yelling and possibly getting arrested. At this point he’s not sure which scenario is worse.

 

When he comes out of the bedroom he can hear two people moving downstairs, presumably Steve and Kono. He can tell that Steve’s pacing, which is never a good sign. He braces himself and heads down the stairs, into the unknown.

 

Steve’s pacing in front of the sofa and Kono’s standing next to him with one eyebrow raised. They both look up when they hear him on the stairs and he feels like a deer in the headlights when he’s pinned by two, equally intense, looks. He stands there for what feels like ages as they stare him down. Finally Steve moves to go to the kitchen. Kono gives him a look and he follows.

 

Steve leans against the counter, head down and taking deep breaths, Danny isn’t sure what to do so he takes his usual spot at the table while Kono goes to stand beside Steve.

 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Steve asks him quietly.

 

Danny is’t quite sure what to say about that, he could go off on another yelling match but he figures that he can’t really storm out again since he isn’t wearing shoes and he’s pretty sure that Steve would come after him right away, then probably handcuff him. In the end he just shrugs.

 

“We’re your _ohana_ Danny! We’re meant to protect and help you, how come you never spoke up? I thought you trusted us” Kono sounds hurt.

 

“You were all busy with your own things” Danny counters, “Steve had Catherine, you and Adam had all that shit with the Yakuza. Anyway it wasn’t as if it was a big deal, I’m fine” He assures them again and hopes they believe it and let it go.

 

Steve looks at him incredulously, “Danny you’re the opposite of fine. You’ve been taking prescription sleeping pills and anxiety medicine from some dodgy dealer. What if those drugs had been laced with something and killed you!”

 

Danny shrugs again.

 

Steve throws up his hands, disbelieving, “I can’t believe you right now! You think that you’re life is expendable”

 

“So it’s fine when you endanger my life everyday but as soon as it’s not you doing it, it’s some terrible thing. Talk about hypocritical! And just to clear this up, I am still _fine_ and my life is not is danger. So are you to going to let me go or continue to stand there you’re my parents and I’m some kid”

 

“Well tough shit, you’re on leave till I say otherwise and you’re staying with me until I’m convinced you can take care of yourself” 

 

“Oh great! A babysitter, this day just get’s better and better” Danny says sarcastically, crossing his arms and slumping back against the chair.

 

Steve and Kono share a look, “Well boss, have a nice day with him. I better go keep Chin and Lou company” She says quickly, “And try not to kill each other, alright?” She says with a forced smile, trying to inject some humour into the situation. She leaves and soon enough Danny can hear her car pulling out of the drive.

 

Then he’s alone with Steve again for the first time since last night and he kind of hopes for some yelling, because a quiet Steve never ends well for anyone in the firing line, which, right now is just Danny.

 

Steve stands there against the counter for a while longer, the silence grating on Danny’s nerves, like he doesn’t quite know what to do with himself. That makes two of them. Eventually Steve leaves, muttering something about doing paperwork as walks into the study.

 

Danny is just happy to be alone, he stands up and creeps into the living room, peering through the window to see that his car’s parked on the drive. That means his keys must be around here somewhere, maybe he’ll be able to escape before Steve notices. He may not be able to work, but he’s not going to be babysat by Steve, that’s crossing a line.

 

He’s busy going through the room when there’s a soft cough behind him; he spins around to see Steve standing in the doorway, dangling the keys from his finger, eyebrow raised.

 

“I’m not stupid Danny, you may as well accept that you’re not going anywhere” Steve says seriously; he gestures back into the study, “I’ll be in here if you need me” He says before disappearing back through the door.

 

Danny sighs and wonders if he could just break in, but he doesn’t think it would be worth the repair cost. So instead he settles in front of the TV and watches bad daytime television until Steve puts a sandwich down in front of him and tells him to eat it, Danny obeys mostly because he values his life and Steve makes a great sandwich. Even if he can only manage half of it.

 

Before he quite knows what’s going on, there’s a knock on the door and Steve’s bounding to answer it, letting in a pretty lady carrying a case. Danny frowns at her and looks to Steve for an answer, no doubt this is his doing.

 

Before he can answer, the lady is walking over to him and offering her hand, “You must be Danny, I’m Dr Ana Koi and I work out of Queen’s rehab centre. Commander McGarrett’s told me all about your case” She introduces herself.

 

Danny lets go of her hand like he’s been burned and puts them up in defence, “Wow, slow down lady. What ‘ _case_ ’, I am not a ‘case’. There is nothing wrong with me and whatever Steve’s told you is very, _very_ wrong.”

 

She tilts her head to the side and gives him a sympathetic look, “Denial is a very common aspect of substance addiction Danny”

 

Steve’s been standing off to the side and Danny switches his glare to him, “Steven, I thought that putting me on leave and essentially trapping me here was bad. You have no idea how much I want to kill you right now” He threatens and right now he actually think he may kill Steve, he only holds off because this doctor would be a witness and he isn’t stupid enough to do that.

 

Koi is unsurprised by his outburst and also looks over at Steve, “Commander I think it would be best if you left us for now so we can talk” 

 

“Okay” Steve nods, “Danny, don’t kill her please? She’s trying to help you”

 

Danny rolls his eyes and waves him away, silently fuming. Because seriously can Steve not just _mind his own fucking business?_ And he wonders why he took the pills, the man can be pretty dense with things that aren’t guns or explosions.

 

Once they’re alone Koi gestures for him to sit back down on the sofa, to which he reluctantly complies. She sits opposite and crosses her legs over.

 

“Now Danny, I can promise you full discretion. I’ve worked with a lot of police officers and none of your colleagues have to know about this”

 

“I think that by now, they all know about my supposed ‘problem’ so, you can go now. I’ll get Steve to apologise for dragging you out here later” Danny says in a dismissal, getting up from the sofa and heading over to the stairs. Hoping that she doesn’t follow.

 

“With all due respect I can’t do that. I’ve taken an oath to help people in need and right now, I don’t care what you think, you need it. I can see your hands shaking from here and I’ve worked with enough people to see the symptoms of dependency when they’re right in front of me”

 

Danny sighs and turns to her and he finally lets himself go. The truth is that he’s tired, more than just physically. It feels like he’s been living on the edge for the last five years and now he’s finally falling.

 

Koi looks at him with sympathy before sitting next to him on the stairs where he’s slumped down. She places a gentle arm onto his shoulder and he leans into the touch, craving it.

 

“It’s been a tough few years I’ve heard” She remarks and Danny turns to her and nods.

 

“Look I know that you probably don’t think that the drugs are an issue, but taking any prescription medicine illegally is bad Danny, it shows underlying problems. I don’t doubt that you’ve been careful but I’d still like to bring you in for an exam”

 

Danny lets out a small laugh, “You’ll have to ask my keeper first, I’m on house arrest”

 

Koi smiles, “It’s good that you’ve got somewhere safe and stable to stay for now”

 

“‘Safe’ and ‘stable’ are not words I would use. This place got shot up by some rouge SEALs a few years ago while we were hiding a corrupt General. Also have you met Steve?”

 

Koi smiles softly, “He obviously cares about you Danny”

 

“Sure whatever…” Danny says and he just can’t quite believe that just yet after all these months of neglect. And he’s feeling tired again, like his body has finally realised just how much sleep he’s lost to nightmares, insomnia and Steve.

 

This doesn’t escape Koi’s gaze and she sends him up to bed with her contact details and a promise that she’ll talk to Steve about setting up an appointment. Danny is far too exhausted to argue with her so he obeys her. 

 

He doesn’t bother changing so simply face plants directly onto the bed, that someone (probably Steve) had kindly made up. He doesn’t bother to get under the covers and drifts off with his face smashed into the pillow, even though it’s only mid-afternoon. Seems like just being around Steve makes him tired.

 

—————————

 

When he wakes up the next morning, he opens his eyes to Steve standing over him, still dripping from his morning swim, the bastard. But he’s holding a mug of coffee and has that annoying bright smile on his face, that would be a crime to wipe of. Doesn’t stop Danny from thinking about it though.

 

“Morning Danno” He says cheerily, putting the mug on the nightstand.

 

“Steven you have put me on leave, that means that I have nowhere to be today, except _asleep._ Something that you army types don’t seem to know of” Danny mutters as he drags himself up out of the warm cocoon of blankets and guzzle the coffee.

 

Wait, he’s sure he fell asleep on top of the covers, which means that at some point someone, again probably Steve, manhandled him under without waking him. Either he was really out of it, or Steve’s also a ninja at getting people properly in bed. He wouldn’t be surprised if it was the latter.

 

Steve’s smile widens at the words, “That’s where you’re wrong Danno, after your little talk with the lovely Dr Koi, I managed to get you an appointment with her this morning. She thought it best if we got you on a treatment right away”

 

Ah, so that’s why Steve’s so happy, he’s got something else in Danny’s life to control now. It would be sweet if it wasn’t so stalkerish and again proving that Steve has real control issues. And maybe he shouldn’t be the only one getting ‘treatment’. The mere sound of it makes him shudder at the thought. He’s never been a fan of hospitals and he really hopes he won’t be staying in one anytime soon.

 

But despite what he said to her yesterday, he still doesn’t see how the pills were that much of a problem. He wasn’t _addicted_ or anything and only took them when he needed. And if that was every night, then no one else needed to know about that.

 

Danny sighs deeply and knows he has no chance against Steve when he’s all focussed like this. It’s the kinda state he gets in when he after a drug runner or other criminal.

 

“Fine whatever, what time do we leave?”

 

“Nine o’clock which means we’ve got an hour. I’m going to grab a shower. Chin brought over some of your stuff last night by the way” Steve adds as he leaves, leaving droplets of water all over the floor.

 

He knows he not going to get out of this one anytime soon, so resigns himself to actually getting up and stumbling into the bathroom. Chin’s been kind enough to bring all of his toiletries and he’s glad to be able to use his own soap and not the one that practically takes your skin off, that Steve uses.

 

He digs through the duffle and finds a pair of slacks and a shirt, he may as well look smart for this considering how he looked the last time he and Koi spoke. He gels his hair back and makes his way downstairs.

 

When he gets down there, he notices a few things that are out of place. One is that the bureau that normally holds all the spirits is now closed and locked. Danny also notices that he doesn’t have this sidearm out like usual. A quick investigation of the first aid kit, finds that all the pills have gone too.

 

Well Steve’s nothing but thorough as if he thought he was going to off himself as the first opportunity. Okay so maybe he’s had those thoughts before but he’d never go through with them.

 

He fixes himself another cup of coffee and some toast and sits at the table while he waits for Steve. He has no idea what the man’s doing since he doesn’t exactly take ages to get ready. Maybe he’s trying to workout which polo matches best with which cargos and thigh holster.

 

Steve comes down five minutes before they have to leave, saying nothing about how long he’s been and Danny doesn’t ask.

 

“So you ready to go?” He asks, leaning against the doorway to the kitchen, the keys to the Camaro in his hand.

 

“Sure” He replies and he knows at this rate he may as well just give ownership of the car to Steve, at least he wouldn’t have to pay as much in repair bills.

 

Steve smirks again, “Knew you’d come around!” He says cheerily, seemingly oblivious to Danny’s mood. Although he wouldn’t be surprised if the idiot got some sort of pleasure from it all.

 

He ignores Steve’s impatient foot-tapping as he puts his loafers on, a supposed drug addiction is no excuse to ditch professionalism.

 

Steve’s already revving the engine when he walks out and he debates stopping and standing there for a little while just to piss him off, but he figures that Steve will just drive like more of a maniac to make up for the lost time.

 

Steve’s speeding off before he’s even got the door closed and Danny says nothing as they take the turns at break-neck speed. Danny’s gripping onto the oh-shit bar for dear life as Steve seems determined to run them off the road and into a fiery death.

 

By some miracle they arrive at the hospital alive although Danny thinks that he could really do with a Xanax right about now, just to calm him down a bit before his impending doom.

 

Steve’s got that dangerous smile on his face, the one that precedes an explosion and far too much paperwork. And seriously he has no idea how Steve’s going to cope with doing his own paperwork while Danny’s on leave, he may just have to sneak into the office and do some of it for him. He would quite like to get paid sometime this year.

 

Steve takes Danny by the arm and guides him inside, like he think's he’s going to bolt or something. To be honest he’s not wrong and now that he’s fully awake it’s all finally sunk in and he probably would run away if it wasn’t for Steve’s iron grip and the fact that he’s seen him when he’s angry. It’s not a pretty sight.

 

Dr Koi has her office in a quiet wing of the hospital, instead of the garish white it’s a soft blue, like it’s trying to be calming. But Danny’s far too wound up for it to work.

 

Steve is still acting like the control freak he is as he walks up to the reception desk, dragging Danny with him, gives their names and flashes a smile at the lady before forcibly sitting Danny in one of the plush armchairs.

 

He lets go of his arm and he turns to give Steve a look, Steve glares right back at him, not backing down.

 

“You know you didn’t have to deliver me here like I’m a criminal, I’m an adult you know?” Danny mutters angrily and right now he is so done with Steve’s shit.

 

Steve raises an eyebrow at him, “I’m not stupid Danny, if I weren’t here you’d be running for the hills”

 

Danny scowls and decided not to answer, instead he picks up a copy of the some woman’s magazine an pretends to be engrossed in this season’s best colours. He can feel Steve’s eyes on him, assessing.

 

Thankfully Koi comes out and Steve is forced to look away, he looks up to see her smiling brightly at him, “Danny I’m so glad you could make it!”

 

“Not like I had a choice” Danny mutters under his breath and he gets a sharp elbow in the ribs from Steve for that, he gives her a fake sweet smile.

 

Koi seems unfazed by their little domestic and continues to smile, “Why don’t you come through Danny? Commander, you can wait out here” 

 

Steve looks like he wants to argue, but despite her size Koi has a glare to rival his and he backs down. Grumpily picking up a copy of _Men’s Health._

 

It makes Danny smile and he gets up to follow Koi, sparing one last glance at Steve who looks up and offers him a soft, encouraging smile. Danny nods back.

 

Koi’s office is what you would expect for a hospital rehab doctor. It’s all soft colours and cosy-looking but not forced. The desk is a mess of papers and there’s rows of bookshelves stuffed full of various medical textbooks. She guides him over to another door that leads to an exam room.

 

She points over to the bed and tells him to strip down to his boxers and leaves him to it. He does at he’s told and sits on the bed, swinging his legs back and forth.

 

She returns with a smile and snaps on a pair of latex gloves, “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to take a blood sample from you. Just to make sure that there aren’t any long term effects from the drugs”

 

Danny nods and she takes the blood efficiently, placing a small band-aid over the puncture site.

 

“Anything else you want to do to my poor vulnerable body?”

 

Koi smirks at him, “Just a quick physical exam, no more blood I promise”

 

She gets Danny to lie back and checks him over, finishing by taking his blood pressure, heart rate and weight which she frowns at.

 

She doesn’t say anything though and lets him get dressed and tell him she’ll be waiting for him back in her office. He takes his time , hands still shaking very slightly as he tries to do up the buttons on his shirt.

 

When he comes out, she’s sitting in an armchair by the window, 

 

She indicates to the one opposite her and he takes it..

 

Koi picks up a notepad on the table and flips it to a clean page, pen poised to write. 

 

“I’m just going to ask you some question to get a better understanding of your situation, Steve’s told me a lot but I’d like to here it from your side as well” She explains.

Danny wonders what Steve’s said about him but nevertheless nods and allows her to go on.

 

“So Danny, how about we begin by you telling me where you believe the problems started”

 

That makes Danny think because he doesn’t really know where anything ‘started’, maybe it was when Rachel filed for divorce. But he’s still pretty pissed at Steve right now so he decides to start there.

 

“Well it was probably when I met Steve”

 

“Okay then, and what’s happened since then?” She prompts gently, noting something down on her pad.

 

Danny wrings his hands in his lap and looks out of the window, he can’t look at Koi as it all spills out, pretty much everything that’s happened over the last five years from the sarin to Wo Fat to his ordeal with Matt and Columbia. By the end he’s panting and shaking and if he thought he wanted a Xanax earlier, well he definitely needs one now.

 

Koi hadn’t interrupted him but has been scribbling down notes and now her page was filled with the,. She puts it down and places both hands on his shoulders and instructs him to calm down and breathe in time with her. He focusses on her voice and eventually manages to calm himself, and that’s the first time he’s had to do that since he got the pills.

 

She gives him an apologetic look, “I’m sorry Danny, I didn’t mean to push you”

 

He holds up a hand to wave her hand away, “No I-I needed to get that out” His voice is still a little hoarse and Koi kindly hands him a bottle of water.

 

“It seems as if you’ve been through quite a lot lately, it would account for your blood pressure. You’ve been under immense stress for an extended period of time. The body’s not made to handle that” She says gently.

 

Stress doesn’t even begin to describe what’s he’s been feeling. Crippling fear and anxiety would be closer to the truth. Although he feels relieved to finally be able to tell someone who isn’t Steve about everything.

 

“Danny, I’m glad you’ve been able to share this with me and I’m not surprised that you turned to drugs to cope. But what matters now is you’ve got help”

 

“So I am gonna get put in a nut-house?” He may as well get the question that’s been burning at the back of his minds out the way now.

 

Koi purses her lips, “We don’t call them that Danny, and no I don’t think that’s right for you. Seems to me that Steve’s more than capable of taking care of you”

 

He breathes a sigh of relief, “So what are you going to do with me?”

 

She smiles softly at him, “Well we’ll see what your drugs panel says, then we’ll see about getting you started on an anti-depressant or some anti-anxiety medicine as needed. Hopefully some time away from work and the chance to talk with your partner will help. I’m also going to set you up with some sessions with one of our councillors who deals specifically with PTSD” She holds up a hand when he tries to protest, “I’m not saying you have it, that’ll be for him to decide but you’ve been through some traumatic stuff and I wouldn’t be surprised if you did”

 

He lets out a resigned sigh, there’s no point in arguing, she’ll tell Steve and he’ll make sure he goes. It’s not worth the effort.

 

“Sure whatever, just make sure my guard knows or I’ll get shot for attempting escape” he mutters.

 

“Steve has your best interests at heart” she reassures, but he still can’t help feeling a little skeptical of it. The neglect due to Catherine still fresh in his mind, what’s to stop him abandoning him again in favour of someone better, he wouldn’t blame him.

 

“Okay, are we done now?” His patience is wearing thin with her and he scratches at his arms.

 

She assesses him, “Yes we’re done for now, I’ll come and talk to Steve” She gets up and leads them out of the room.

 

Steve’s still sitting in the same seat, but he jumps up when they come out, he shoots Danny a quick look before focusing on Koi.

 

“Commander, why don’t we take a seat and I’ll tell you about what we’re going to do”

 

They sit around and she outlines what she’d just said to him, Steve listens avidly, taking in everything. Danny knows he’s screwed, he’s managed to get himself his own personal babysitter complete with SEAL training and the stubbornness of a bulldog. He foresees a lot of arguments in the near future.

 

Once she’s done she says goodbye to them and retreats into her office. Steve takes a casual grip on his arm as they walk out, but stays silent. 

 

It’s tense and he feels himself getting more and more wound up at the way Steve’s just takeover his life, his car, like it’s his god-given his right. It’s all he can do not to tear his arm away from his grip and clock him one in the face. It’s very tempting.

 

It’s bright outside and he shields his eyes against the glare, once against confined to the passenger seat, Steve pulls off, still silent. He defiantly puts in one of his Bon Jovi CD’s to see if that gets a reaction out of him. It doesn’t and he crosses his arms and stares out the window.

 

He’s thought they’d head back to Steve’s place but instead they head the other way, into the city. They pull up outside the Hilton and he cuts the engine, climbing out of the car.

 

But he stays seated, because he’s going to get a reaction out of Steve if it kills him, when Steve comes around to his side and opens the door, holding out a hand. He just stares up at Steve with a hard look.

 

Steve rolls his eyes, “Aww come on Danno, you going to be all silent and moody with me? I have a little sister and that doesn’t faze me. Come on, we’re getting lunch”

 

Their standoff lasts for another minute, while Steve leans casually against the door, eventually he lets Steve win and gets out of the car, dodging the hand that tries to clasp his arm. Steve resumes his silent state as they walk in, he smiles to the receptionist who smiles back and bats her eyelashes, typical McGarrett.

 

Once they’re seated in the restaurant, he finally risks a glance up at Steve, his face is pinched as he studies the menu, which is ridiculous because he always has the pineapple pizza every time they come here, his free hand is drumming against the table nervously.

 

The pretty waitress comes to take their order, and again bats her eyelashes at Steve. He ignores her advances and keeps his eyes glued to the menu, “Yes I’ll have a longboard and the pineapple pizza, he’ll have the steak, medium-rare with fries no salad and a mineral water, thanks” He says without giving Danny a chance to speak, _mineral water,_ seriously? The waitress scribbles down their order and disappears leaving them alone again.

 

Steve’s looking at him now, a calculating look on his face and Danny feels himself getting hot under the scrutiny. He can’t take it anymore.

 

“What do you want?”

 

“You to stop acting like a petulant child would be nice” Steve shoots back.

 

“Well stop treating me like one then, I’m a grown man and just because your latest conquest has moved on, doesn’t mean I should be next on the list. Go harass someone who wants it, I could think of at least two people here” He hisses at Steve.

 

He doesn’t even look angry at that, bored mostly, “Danny, you’re not second best to anyone, ever. I’m sorry that Catherine got in the way but you’re still my partner”

 

“Yes your _partner,_ Steven which implies that we’re equal, it doesn’t mean that you can come in and take over your life when you feel like it. I honestly didn’t think your control issues were that bad”

 

“And as your partner I also have a responsibility to take care of you, and right now that’s what you need.”

 

He’s going to have to call Catherine and ask her what the hell she’s done with Steve? Under normal circumstances by this point there’d have been at least some gunshots and possible explosions. Maybe she’s taken the real Steve and replaced him with a clone. With all the shit that’s happened, he wouldn’t be surprised.

 

“Whatever Steve, maybe you’re right and I should talk to someone, but being babysat at your house is going a little far” Maybe if he admits it then Steve’ll let him go home, he doubts Chin has found his stash behind the vent.

 

Steve looks at him, knowingly, “So you can what Danno? Go find the secret stash that Chin’s missed. Maybe the one behind the vent in the bedroom? We’re not stupid Danny and honestly I expected better of you”

 

Damn ninja SEAL, he’s completely done now and he bets that Steve’s checked through the car as well, not that he’d put any in there, too much chance of Steve finding them.

 

“So you’ve been through everything, I assume my locker as well?”

 

“You didn’t have any there”

 

He smirks coldly at him, “Disposed of the evidence” He remarks and Steve’s face hardens.

 

“Of course you did” Is all he says.

 

The waitress returns with their drinks and Steve excuses himself to go to the bathroom, although he doubts that’s the case, he touches the lady’s wrist just as she’s leaving.

 

“Sorry, but my friend here thinks your cute. You have a number by any chance?” He flashes a charming smile at her and she giggles, pulling out her pad and scribbling it down before folding it and handing it to him.

 

“Tell your friend that I’m free tonight” She says as she leaves.

 

A plan’s forming in his head, one involving a pretty girl, a nice restaurant and Steve off his back for the evening, right now it sounds like bliss.

 

He takes a long drag of Steve’s beer while he’s gone, while the opportunity’s still there. Steve’s like a parent when it comes to supervising, nothing escapes his watch.

 

Said man returns a few minutes later and he wonders what he was actually doing, probably calling Chin or something to tap his phone or whatever new way he’s thought up to control his life.

 

“So I was wondering if you’re gonna get me a collar or something, so everyone knows who I belong to”

 

Steve rolls his eyes at the scathing remark and he really does need to call Catherine because he’s getting really worried now.

 

“I’m not playing this game with you Danny, the one where you act all pissed that someone’s trying to help you because you’re hurting inside and you don’t want anyone to know. It’s exhausting and you may as well drop it now, I’m not going to rise to it”

 

Has Steve gotten a psych degree at some point? Because he’s spot on and that scares him more than he cares to admit, mainly because if Steve can see right through him so can other people and he can’t deal with it right now.

 

“Shut up Steve, just shut the fuck up, seriously” he grits out.

 

“You know I’m right, you just can’t admit it to yourself, you don’t have to now. I’ll still be here when you do”

 

He’s on the verge of just getting up and leaving when their food arrives, he’s not that hungry but dutifully eats when Steve glares at him. He turns his nose up at Steve’s disgusting pizza and munches on some of the fries mindlessly, not really tasting the food at all.

 

Thankfully Steve doesn’t say anything when he leaves a good two thirds of the meal untouched, maybe it’s a withdrawal symptom but he’s been off his food for months now so it’s probably just him and his problems. Steve swipes the rest of his chips and he lets him. Drinking more of the water.

 

Steve finishes his pizza and gestures for the bill, “You want to head home?”

 

“More than anything, I’d really like to get some rest in my own bed” He knows that he’s being deliberately obtuse but he can’t help it.

 

Steve sighs and rolls his eyes, “Very Funny Danny, you’re not going back to your place and that’s the end of it. I’ll get the governor involved if I have to” He threatens.

 

It’s his turn to roll his eyes, the way gossip travels on this island he wouldn’t be surprised if he already knew and has fired him from the task-force, maybe then he’d be able to escape Steve’s clutches. He could move into the mountains and cut off all contact, but knowing Steve the bastard would use some military satellite to find him.

 

Steve pays the bill and stands up, “Come one let’s get out of here” Steve gestures.

 

“Actually I have to hit the head before we go, I’ll meet you at the car” He needs some space before he has another panic attack.

 

“Sure Danno, don’t be long” Steve says slowly, eyeing him with suspicion.

 

The bathroom’s empty when he walks in and he hits his head against the tiles a few times, it’s either that or strangle Steve. He walks into a stall and shuts the door, breathing heavily. He doesn’t know what’s set him off, it could have been anything Steve’s done and frankly that’s what normally starts him off.

 

The door opens and he hears two people enter, he silences his breathing and waits. The pair don’t day anything and he faintly makes out a murmured conversation, it doesn’t take much deducting to work out what’s going on, he’s hit the jackpot, just when he’s escaped Steve he gets the chance to get his hands on what he needs.

 

The two guys startle when he comes out, but he’s quick to tell them what he wants, luckily one of the smirks and pulls out a small plastic bag with two pills in, they look the same as the other ones he’s had so he figures they must be safe enough. Steve’s gonna kill him if he finds out but he’s become a pro at hiding over the last few months. He hands the guy a twenty and downs the pills, shoving the bag back at the man before he leaves. He walks out and leaves them before Steve can come hunting for him.

 

He’s lucky in that he runs into Steve just as he’s coming out, obviously the guy wasn’t kidding about him not being too long. He doesn’t bother shrugging Steve’s hand off this time, he can already feel the calming effects of the drug.

 

Steve doesn’t say anything as they get in the car, he smiles internally, he’s gotten away with it. They ride back to Steve’s in silence, he doesn’t even bother putting the radio on.

 

He feels a little spacey as he gets out but covers it well, it’s not something he normally feels but maybe the lack of drugs for the last day or so has reduced his tolerance or something. He feigns tiredness and Steve sends him up to bed with a sympathetic look, hopefully a nap will stop the room spinning.

 

He just about manages to get undressed and into a pair of sweats and a tee with clumsy hands before he passes out on top of the covers.

 

————

 

Someone’s shaking him and he hears muffled voices in the distance, he tries to bat the arms away but his hands won’t cooperate and the shaking continues. He opens his eyes to a blurry face right up close to his, he blinks his eyes into focus.

 

Ah yes, Steve, control freak and regular comer of pain. He wonders what he’s done _this_ time?

 

“-at have you taken Danny? Danny listen to me, I need to know what you’ve taken!”

 

Taken? He hasn’t taken anything, except those pills back at the Hilton but he figures those don’t count. Just like how a slice of cake on someone’s birthday doesn’t count when you’re on a diet.

 

“Please Danno, wake up and talk to me” He hears Steve pleads. But he is awake, isn’t he?

 

“m awake” He mumbles, he’s having trouble getting his voice to work.

 

“Oh thank God” Steve stops shaking him but doesn’t let go of his shoulders, “Now listen to me very carefully, just tell me what you’ve taken. I promise I won’t be mad”

 

Well Steve normally keeps his promises, except the one about always being there for each other, since Steve’s been notably absent from his life until recently. But what has he got to lose? He may as well tell him.

 

“Xanax, two, in the bathroom at the Hilton” He gets out, proud of himself for not slurring.

 

Steve lets go of his shoulders to grab his phone, and feels feels himself list to the side and land heavily on the bed, it feels nice and soft under him and he burrows deeper, drifting off into sleep again.

 

He gets rudely awoken soon when Steve’s hoisting him upright and putting one arm under his arms to hold him up, for some reason his legs aren’t working.

 

“Right we’re getting you to a hospital now, and I swear to God Danny, we’re having a nice long chat about this later, because obviously I’ve missed something, something very important”

 

He wonders if Steve’s just talking to himself, as they stumble down the stairs together. His feet are bare as he’s dragged out of the house and put on the backseat of Steve’s truck. It’s not as nice as the bed but it’ll do. The hum of the engine and the gentle rocking of the vehicle lull him to sleep again, and this time there aren’t any stupid SEALs waking him up.

 

———

 

There’s a hand holding his and he feels the pinch of an IV in his arm, his head feels fuzzy and he opens his heavy eyelids to take a look around.

 

Hospital then, if the bright white decor is anything to go by, he slides his eyes over to the right where Steve’s passed out in one of those uncomfortable chairs, head tipped back and snoring softly.

 

He wonders what’s happened to land him here and then he recalls the memories of yesterday. Shit, now he’s really screwed. Koi’s probably re-evaluating the idea of not putting him in a psych ward rightnow.

 

Steve’s awake as soon as he moves his hand, eyes snapping open and alert in an instant. He expects anger in Steve’s face but all he get’s is sympathy and pity, he hates it and turns his face away. It’s a childish move but it’s all he can do right now, he’s a little tied down.

 

Steve doesn’t say anything and soon there’s someone else walking into the room, he turns back to see a young male doctor smiling down at him as he checks his stats.

 

“So Danny, how are you feeling?” He asks politely.

 

“Uh- yeah, fine thanks”

 

“That’s good, think you could be up for some food?”

 

He ignores Steve’s glare and shakes his head.

 

“No matter, we’ll keep the IV in for nutrients for now. Do you remember what happened?”

 

He blushes and looks away, “Yes, uh- I do”

 

“Okay well it’s hospital policy to have a member of the psych department come down to talk to you. I believe you already know Dr Koi? She’ll be along in a little while. In the meantime, try to get some rest” He advises finally before turning and leaving. He and Steve are on their own again.

 

“Why did you do it Danny?” Steve whispers suddenly, pleadingly, “I thought we were making progress” And oh god, he sounds so utterly _broken_ at that, like Danny’s just broken all his favourite toys, drowned his puppy _and_ told him that he’d never be allowed ice cream again.

 

He shrugs because Steve knows why, he’s been there for most of it. Hell, he’s been the cause of most of it.

 

“You scared me so much Danny, when I couldn’t wake you… god I thought you were dead” He sounds haunted now, his hand’s being crushed in a death grip.

 

“I’m…sorry?” He tries even though it sounds alien to his ears.

 

“No Danny, you’re not. And you don’t have to be. I should have seen that it was more serious than you first let on. But we’re gonna do this right this time” The promise scares him because what does Steve mean by ‘right’? It could be locking him in a nut-house for the rest of his life, or drugging him to to the gills so he can’t complain, or telling Rachel and getting Grace taken away from him, having him shipped back to Jersey or simply fired from five-0. Steve has all the power right now and that scares the shit out of him.

 

Luckily he falls asleep again and doesn’t have to deal with Steve anymore right now, he’s not sure if it’s the drugs or just being physically and mentally exhausted. Right now it doesn’t matter.

 

He has no idea how long he sleeps, only that when he awakens the sun’s higher in the sky and Steve’s gone, thank god for small miracles, and instead Dr Koi is there. He’s not sure which one of them’s worse.

 

“Danny, are you awake? Can you hear me?” She asks politely, sitting down, she’s got her notepad with her.

 

“Yeah” He croaks out, voice sounding rough.

 

She shoots him a sympathetic look and hands him a glass of water, he drinks deeply and sets it down.

 

“Sorry, yeah I’m with you” He tries again, pleased when it comes out smoother.

 

“Excellent, I’ve sent Steve home for some rest so we can talk alone”

 

“Wonderful” He grits out, this conversation’s barely started and he’s lost his patience.

 

“Hey now, you don’t have to answer anything you don’t want to. But the fact of the matter is that you took something that landed you in the hospital, you can’t spin that any other way Danny”  


She’s right and when it’s put like that, it does sound pretty awful. He feels a pang of guilt for Steve but it’s quickly replaced by anger, if he hadn’t started interfering then none of this would have happened.

 

“So first question, why did you take it?”

 

It’s an easy enough question, but now that he comes to think of it he just saw the opportunity and took it, needing them… shit, he’s fucking addicted and he never even knew it, well they said he was but he’s been in comfortable denial since. He bought some pills off a dodgy dealer, at least the last guy came with Kamekona’s approval. He hadn’t even thought before doing it, he was that far gone.

 

“Fuck” He mutters, rubbing a hand over his face.

 

There’s a hand rubbing up and down his arm as the realisations wash over him, “So Danny, do you get it now?” She doesn’t sound smug or pissed, still has that calm demeanour without a trace of pity, it’s bliss.

 

“Y-Yeah” He gets out shakily, “I definitely ‘get it’ now, seriously how was I so _stupid.”_

 

“Blaming yourself won’t change anything, what matters now is that you accept the help that’s offered and you get better”

 

The blatant honest hope in her voice throws him and he feels tears welling in his eyes, he blinks them away quickly.

 

“So am I gonna end up a psych ward this time?” May as well get the big questions out of the way.

 

She smiles and shakes her head, “I still don’t think that would help you, besides I don’t think Steve would allow it. He’s pretty protective of you”

 

He nods back, “You could say that again, I was surprised you got him to leave” Because Steve had barely left him alone yesterday, it doesn’t make sense that he’s leave him here, there’s some ulterior motive, he knows.

 

“Well when I said he was going back to ‘rest’, that may have been an over exaggeration. He mentioned something about talking to the governor and getting some stuff together.”

 

Which means Steve’s planning something, and that’s worrying enough it itself. He doesn’t dwell on he thought though, whatever’s going on, he’s not going to have any choice in the matter.

 

“Anyway enough about Steve, I’m here for you right now” She continues, “Now next question, and Steve told me to ask you this, do you remember what the guy looked like?”

 

Great, now Steve’s planning a hit on a drug dealer who sold him drugs, “Uh, male about 5’10, blonde hair, tanned, wearing jeans and a jacket. That’s about it.”

 

She scribbles it down on the pad and nods, “Excellent, now we got your drugs panel back yesterday, and you were clean. Whatever you were taking before was the good stuff and there shouldn’t have any lasting effects. You’re lucky about the pills you took yesterday, they were also clean but just a much higher dose then what you were taking before”

 

That’s a relief, “That’s good, so I should be fine?”

 

“Yeah, you were put on an emergency detox and it all should be out of your system, although you may feel a little drowsy for the next day or-“

 

She’s interrupted by a knock on the door and Steve walking in, he’s dressed in his typical cargoes and polo shirt, he nods, smiles and leans against the door, like he belongs there, far too casual.

 

Koi gets the hint, “Well I think that’s all Danny, I’ll get a nurse to come along and discharge you into Steve’s care, I’ll set upon appointment with that counsellor and give you a call.” She stands up to leave, touching a hand to his wrist, “I wish you the best Danny” She turns and walks to he door, “Steve” She greets as she walks past him and he nods at her back. Once she’s gone Steve saunters over to him, still worryingly relaxed considering his partner’s in the hospital from a drug overdose.

 

“Okay Steve, just say it, whatever it is” He can’t take the suspense anymore.

 

Steve smirks and plops himself down in the chair, “We’re taking a break Danno, just you, me and a nice little secluded cabin”

 

He raises his eyebrows, because Steve has to kidding, “Is this some stake-out?” Actually it sound more like the opening to a horror film…

 

Steve shakes his head, “No Danny, we both need a break and we’re not going to get it while we’re here. The governor’s gotten us this place for the week. I’ve already packed for you so we can leave right away”

 

“Uh, what about five-0, surely the criminal element of Hawaii aren’t going to stop just because we do.”

 

“Danny relax, Chin, Kono and Lou can cope for a week. And we won’t be totally out of contact, I’ll have the sat phone with me.”

 

“Great no cell signal, what if Rachel calls?”

 

“I’ve already told her that we’ll be out of contact, her and Grace are fine, there’s nothing to worry about” He reassures.

 

“You didn’t tell her though, about the drugs?”  


“No I wouldn’t do that to you, come on let’s get you out of here” He stands up and offers a hand, he uses it to pull himself up into a sitting position, swinging his legs back and forth as he waits for a nurse to turn up. Steve sits down next to him silently.

 

She turns up a few minutes later, clipboard and paper in hand. She discharges him efficiently and warns him to come back should he have any other symptoms. She thanks him and Steve hands him a bag, presumably of clothes, and directs him to the bathroom.

 

He feels more human once she’s showered and dressed in jeans and a tee, getting rid of that awful hospital smell. He shoves his feet into the boots and goes out to join Steve, whose standing at the window looking out.

 

“You good to go?”

 

“Yeah, let’s roll” He replies, again, dodging Steve’s arm again, he’s still not some invalid.

 

The sun’s shining brightly and he stumbles a little when it hits him, Steve, hands him a pair of sunglasses from one of the millions of pockets in those stupid pants. He slips them on and sighs in relief.

 

Steve’s got the truck, not the Camaro’s with him, which he’s thankful for because cleaning it’s a bitch and Steve’s truck really doesn’t get out as much as it should.

 

The bed’s packed with bags and he worries just how far out they’re going? Knowing Steve he’ll go all Rambo and go crawling through the forest scavenging for bugs or something for them to eat, it worries him that he’s not even surprised by that.

 

Steve throws a bag at him from the backseat and starts the truck, pulling off. There’s malasadas inside and he manages one before he’s full, ignoring Steve’s look of concern as he puts the rest of the bag on the dashboard and settles down for the ride.

 

Soon they’re out of the city and heading up into the hills, he can see Steve struggling more with the tight turns in the truck and he longs for his nice Camaro.

 

Two hours in and he’s getting bored, it’s hard to ignore the slight shake in his hands, probably another withdrawal thing and he hopes he’s not getting any more, that would suck. Well, suck even more than the whole being kidnapped by your partner after accidentally overdosing on prescription meds.

 

Another hour later and Steve pulls off the main road they’ve been on onto a dirty track that leads sharply uphill, ten minutes of bouncing along and cursing later they pull up at the lodge. It’s tiny but smart, obviously well cared for, and he wonders who owns it. Steve parks the truck outside and jumps down, he follows suit. He helps Steve pull all the stuff out of the back and carry it up the steps into the lodge.

 

It’s cosy inside with the main room being the kitchen, lounge and bedroom, there’s a door at the back that must lead to the bathroom. He pauses on the threshold, there’s only one bed, and granted it’s a large bed. But the last time he’d had to share a bed with Steve the fucking human octopus and almost smothered him with his giraffe frame. But the sofa looks comfy enough, definitely better than his old pull out.

 

Steve bustles in behind him, carrying a cooler and some grocery bags, he hopes that it isn’t just full of healthy shit because then he’d have to murder Steve for the keys and drive back to civilisation, in that stupid truck. He hates the thing. He feels like a kid, taking his dad’s car for a joyride, not really the look he’s going for.

 

Steve pushes him down on the couch and shoves a bottle of water at him before going back to the kitchen area and beginning to unpack all the food. He relaxes back against the couch and takes a long drag from the bottle, he drains it quickly, he had no idea just how thirsty he was.

 

He’s also not used to the silence, under normal circumstances Steve would be all up in his face about this, usually at the most inopportune moment. He wonders if that’s gonna happen at some point, at this rate they’ll be holding hand around a campfire and talking about _feelings,_ the thought almost makes him laugh out loud. Steve and feelings do not mix, or at least, he thought they didn’t.

 

It’s still early and Steve probably has something planned, freak that he is. He pulls his phone out, just to check and yep.. no signal. Steve’s probably made it that way, and what the hell would he do? Call the guy that Steve’s arrested and ask him to do home delivery? 

 

“You want to head out? There’s some great trails around here” Steve phrases it like a request, but it’s clearly a command, control freak.

 

He shrugs, “Yeah sure, not like there’s anything else to do around here”

 

Steve smirks, “Actually I think there’s a monopoly set around here somewhere”

 

He smirks reluctantly back, “We’re not playing that if you don’t want to end up in a body bag”

 

“Ooo fighting talk, but come on, there’s this great place I want show you” Steve practically propels him out the door and into the morning sunshine, he’s got his backpack with him, and his gun, whichis total overkill.

 

——————

 

Three hours later he is reevaluating the thought of ‘overkill’ when it came to Steve, he swears that backpack is like Mary Poppins’ bag, complete with climbing gear, (‘Why Steven, would we need climbinggear for your ‘gentle walk in the woods’ I’m going to kill you and leave your body here for the wolves), and blister plasters for when his boots inevitably rub, (‘You need to tie you laces tighter Danno’) and lunch, which he manages to choke down a sandwich and another bottle of water. Ignoring Steve’s look. Food really hasn’t been the top of his agenda lately.

 

They reach the top of the trail right after lunch, and Steve was right, the view is spectacular. He’s out of breath and sweating buckets from the hike uphill. Steve’s looking down at him with concern, looking torn between leaving him or getting closer, he wisely stays away. He falls onto the ground and leans his arms on his knees, a little light-headed.

 

Steve sits down next to him silently and offers another bottle of water, which he takes gratefully. He can tell that Steve’s dying to talk, and almost laughs at the absurdity of it, it’s like they’ve swapped roles.

 

Common sense gets the better of Steve eventually, “I’m sorry you know? For everything”

 

He stays quiet, hoping Steve will get the message, the time for talking is long past and now he just wants to stay quiet. Enjoy the solitude.

 

Steve continues, “I should have seen it, you were too quiet Danno, and that’s never ended well”

 

He huffs and turns to him, “Steve, just shut up, I don’t wanna know”

 

Steve finally quietens down and they sit like that for a while, until his breathing calms down and he doesn’t feel like his heart’s about to explode out of his chest. He ignores Steve’s hand to help him up and stands on his own, he’s _still_ not some invalid.

 

Steve doesn’t say anything, just leads them both away from the edge and back down the trail, on account of it being downhill, it takes them a lot less time to get back to the lodge. The sun’s just starting to set when they’re sitting on the porch, taking off their boots.

 

Steve cooks dinner for them, pasta and tomato sauce, which he eats half of. He’s still not really that hungry but Steve’s got that death glare on again, violently stabbing each piece of pasta like it’s personally offended him.

 

They still haven’t really spoken since the ridge, and he knows Steve’s gearing up for a proper feeling-sharing session in the near future. He’s coiled tight and ready to burst.

 

But it never comes, he washes up their plates and Steve tries to force more water on him, which he refuses. If he drinks any more he’ll be pissing all night. There’s an old TV in the lodge and they settle in front of it, putting on some sports game that he really has no interest in, although he glues his eyes to the screen so he doesn’t have to see the way he knows Steve’s staring at him from the armchair.

 

Slowly he slumps further down on the sofa, until he’s lying down flat. It’s nice and warm in here and he feels himself drifting off…

 

“Danny, come on get up” He blinks open his eyes to see Steve standing above him, how the hell did he get there so fast?

 

“Why?” It’s still dark outside so there should be no reason for him to move.

 

“Because you’re back’s gonna kill you in the morning”

 

Steve’s right but he doesn’t want to let him have the satisfaction, it’s a little immature but he turns away to face the back of the sofa, “Fuck off Steven, I’m fine”

 

“Look I’ll take the sofa and you have the bed” Steve sighs.

 

It’s a ridiculous idea, “You’re like, seven inches taller than me, you’d never fit, now are you gonna stare at me creepily all night or go to bed?” He says pointedly.

 

Steve huffs but does as he says, he hears him walking off to the bathroom, then coming out a few minutes later, there’s the sound of the covers rustling then a blanket’s draped over him. Steve goes back to the bed and the light turns out, shrouding the room in darkness.

 

Now he’s wide awake, because if he falls asleep without the trusty aid of Temazepam, the nightmares will come and Steve just _can’t_ find out about that as well. So he resigns himself to lying there, listening to Steve’s breathing even out and get deeper.

 

Around one, he can’t lie there any longer, he’s luckily still dressed in his sweats and t-shirt, so he carefully gets up and tip-toes over to the door, thanking whoever owns this place that the floorboards don’t creak. His boots are by the door and he shoves both feet into them, he slips out into the cool night air.

 

Out here it’s freezing and he debates getting a jacket before realising he has no idea if Steve even packed him one, and he’d surely wake him up if he went rifling through his stuff.

 

The lodge has a sort-of garden area to it, it’s just a fire pit with some logs around it and he takes a seat on one of them, wrapping his arms tightly around himself, it doesn’t help him,but he’ll be dammed if he goes back in, he can’t deal with prolonged exposure to Steve right now.

 

He sits there, shivering, for about an hour until there’s the soft sound of the door opening. He doesn’t turn to see Steve come up behind him and drape the blanket over him. He takes a seat next to him and puts an arm around his shoulders, ignoring how he tenses.

 

“I woke up and you were gone, I was worried” Steve says quietly.

 

“I’m a big boy Steven, I can look after myself”

 

“Danny, you’re addicted to drugs, you really can’t” Steve says matter-of-factly.

 

He sighs, “And you never noticed”

 

He feels Steve freeze next to him, “Is that what this is about?”

 

He has no idea what Steve’s talking about, “What?”

 

“The hostility” Steve clarifies.

 

“No, I’m just pissed at you” He may as well tell Steve the truth.

 

“Because I want to help you? Because I care about you?”

 

“No, you’re a control freak who can’t leave well enough alone”

 

He can feel Steve rolling his eyes next to him, he tries to pull away but Steve just holds onto him tighter, “You can’t push me away Danny, it’s not going to work”

 

“Maybe I’ll just leave then” He threatens.

 

“Danny, I have to keys to the truck and it’s miles to anything remotely resembling civilisation”

 

“I meant Hawaii Steven” The idea hadn’t even been in his head till now, but it’s looking more and more appealing right about now.

 

“What about Grace? Charlie?”

 

“They don’t need me anymore, they’ve got Stan and Rachel”, he wouldn’t want to leave them, but Grace has been gone for a month and Charlie’s always known Stan as his dad, it’d be cruel to change that.

 

“Charlie needs you” Steve points out.

 

“Nope, already given the marrow, he’s getting better, going to be fine soon enough”

 

“What! When?”

 

“Like, a month ago, I had the procedure Thursday afternoon, took Friday off, recovered over the weekend and came back in on Monday” It wasn’t hard, and none of them were any the wiser, thankfully the criminal element of Hawaii was kind enough not to do anything over those days.

 

“You should have said”

 

“I did” And he had told Steve that he was going in for it, truthfully Catherine had been there and he doubted Steve had heard him, from the muttered, ‘have a nice time’ he got back.

 

“Oh shit” Steve seems to have finally caught on to what happened.

 

“Wasn’t a big deal” He tries to play it off, Steve doesn’t buy it.

 

“I should have been there for you”

 

“You were busy, it’s understandable, really it wasn’t anything major” He’s lying through his teeth now, he hates needles and even the thought of having one drilled into his bone makes him shudder.

 

“Stop trying to act like it’s all fine, it’s not. You want to leave Hawaii” Steve says like it’s a problem.

 

“Maybe, for change of scenery”

 

“But-but it’s your home” Steve tries to argue.

 

“No babe, it’s _your_ home, I was just here because Grace needed me, now she doesn’t… well, I know Newark PD is hiring”

 

“You’d go back to New Jersey, leave us… leave me”

 

“What’s the big deal Steven? You haven’t needed me for these past months, why the sudden change?”

 

“Of course I need you, I need you for….” Steve trails off, thinking.

 

“My car mostly, someone to do the paperwork” He fills in, “Well you can have the car and hire a secretary, boom, done” Surprisingly he thinks it would actually work, he may not be on the best terms with his family but he does still have friends back at NPD, they’d welcome him back easily.

 

Steve stands suddenly, hands thrown up, “No! You can’t leave, I can’t change the past but we do care for you here Danny, why can’t you see that?” He cries out.

 

Two can play at this game, he stands up too, “Fine! Where the hell were you when I was in the hospital having that marrow extracted, some huge needle stuck in my bone!” He says, holding up a finger when Steve opens his mouth to answer, “Don't bother, you were probably with your lieutenant-with-benefits. Why can’t you see that there’s nothing left for me here! You’re only here, with me,because you’re on the rebound from Catherine, how long’s it going to be before you move onto the next best thing, huh Steve? How long’s it gonna be before you ditch me…again?!” He’s yelling by the time he’s finished, waving his arms around wildly, there’s tears in his eyes but he refuses to cry, he needs to get this out without breaking down.

 

Steve looks stunned, pale moonlight highlighting his face, his expression moves to one of resignation, eyes downcast.

 

“I see, well if that’s what you want. I guess I can’t stop you. I’ll drive you back into the city tomorrow” Steve says quietly, still looking away. He turns and walks slowly back to the door, like he wants Danny to stop him, well Steve’s fresh out of luck.

 

“Fine!” He calls to Steve’s retreating back, he’s too proud to back down now. And truth is, in some ways he really does want this. Hawaii holds far too many painful memories for him now: it’s where Matt betrayed him, where he had to see that barrel being wheeled in, where he killed Reyes and ended up in a Columbian prison.

 

He doesn’t bother going back inside, instead he sits down again and wastes the rest of the night away, staring up at the stars, out here they’re clear and bright.

 

He doesn’t want to leave, not really, but he can’t deny that, on paper, it really is the best option. He can’t say why he doesn’t exactly want to leave, maybe because he knows Steve’ll get himself killedwithin a week without him there, and if that happened he’d never forgive himself.

 

That’s what’s worse, he can forgive Steve for everything with ease, even if he wants to stay mad at him, wants to keep pushing everyone away so they can’t see how broken he is inside.

 

The sun starts peeking itself above the horizon, casting the sky in a myriad of colours, it’s breathtakingly beautiful, interrupting his dark thoughts, and he kinda wishes that Steve were here with him to witness it too.

 

He hears the door open and close softly, much like earlier, then footsteps coming down the steps. He turns to see Steve, standing uncertainly a few steps away, two steaming cups in his hands and a blanket slung over his shoulder.

 

“I thought you might want- I mean if you-“ Steve stutters out, thrusting one of the cups at him, nervously. 

 

“Thanks” He mutters back, taking the cup, Steve does make excellent coffee and it warms him.

 

“So do you still want to go?” Steve asks, coming to sit next to him on the log, he takes the blanket off his shoulder and drapes it over him, ignoring his protests.

 

“Yes- No- I-“ He tries to say, what does he want? Right now, staring into Steve’s eyes he couldn’t dream of leaving, not when Steve has that open and honest look that took him years to coax out. The look that speaks of abandonment time and time again. They’re similar in that way.

 

“No” He finally says, he tries to sound determined but truth is he has no idea what the right decision is. It’s like he’s a a crossroads with no road signs and no idea where he’s going.

 

Suddenly his coffee cup is being knocked to the ground and he’s got his arms full of Steve, whose got his arms wrapped tightly around him and face buried in his neck. He feels a wetness and _God,_ Steve’s _crying._ And the only time he’s seen that is with the bomb… oh, how could he be that stupid? It’s rather obvious now that he sees it.

 

Steve loves him.

 

Not just like, ‘hey you’re my partner and we’ve been in so many near death situations that we can’t help forming a bond’. love No this was, ‘I want to marry you and settle down and have kids and grow old together’ love. Shit, he has to think quick, because he’s never thought of Steve in that way before.

 

Now Catherine’s short visit and staying in a hotel make sense, they never got back together properly, which does beg the question: What was Steve doing there every single night?

 

Said man shows no signs of letting up and he carefully puts his arms up to soothingly rub Steve’s back, but he needs to breathe at some point and eventually manages to prise Steve off him and hold him at arms length.

 

Okay so maybe he was lying to himself when he hasn’t thought about Steve _that way,_ at one point or another during the last five years. But this is more than a ‘Jesus those abs should be illegal’ thought he’s had in passing when Steve’s stripped off at one point or another.

 

“Jesus Danny, you’re freezing, let’s go inside” Steve blurts out before he can say anything, dragging him up and pretty much hauling him back inside. He hadn’t realised how cold he was until he gets inside the nice warm interior of the cabin. Steve guides him over to the, still un-made, bed and pushes him down onto it. It’s still got that lingering warmth from Steve and he burrows under the covers.

 

He isn’t expecting Steve to get in as well, pulling the covers up around them and wrapping his arms around him again.

 

“Uh Steve? Why are we spooning?” It’s a valid question, he’s pretty sure it’s not normal to spoon with your (slightly hot) Navy SEAL partner.

 

“You’re cold, and you need the comfort” Steve answers, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

 

The thing is, Steve’s right, and he finds himself relaxing into his arms, sighing in contentment when Steve reaches up one hand and starts stroking through his hair.

 

“Go to sleep Danno, I’ll be here when you wake up” Steve murmurs against his neck, and he’s helpless to obey, easily drifting off after such a tough night.

 

————

 

True to his word, Steve is still there when he wakes hours later, and despite having Steve the Furnace plastered along his back he still feels cold, which is probably another bloody withdrawal symptom and just adds another pile of shit on top of his already, pretty pathetic existence right now.

 

Steve, of course, knows exactly when he wakes up, “Morning Danno, or should I say afternoon, you sleep like the dead” Steve says lightly, still with both arms wrapped tightly around him.

 

Sleep like the dead? As far as he knows, he’s been sleeping pretty restlessly for what seems like years now, plagued by nightmares. Trust Steve to be the one to keep them at bay, this must be some of the best sleep he’s had in ages.

 

“Anyway” Steve continues, “Since you’ve missed breakfast and lunch, I though we could go out and hunt something for dinner?” Steve suggests.

 

There’s still no point in arguing, Steve always gets his way, “Yeah sure babe, let me up and I’ll go change” He’s fully aware that he’s been in these clothes for a good eighteen hours.

 

“Sure thing, there’s towels in the bathroom” Steve tells him as he pulls away and rolls out of the bed, leaving him feeling a little bereft. He shakes himself and climbs out, making his way into the small bathroom.

 

After showering and changing, feeling slightly more human and trying to ignore the tremors in his hands, he emerges from the bathroom, only to be pushed into one of the two dining chairs and a sandwich and a glass of juice shoved in his face.

 

He rolls his eyes, of course Steve would feed him like a toddler, he’s annoying like that. Truth is though, he’s hardly hungry anymore, if he eats too much he ends up bringing it all back up later. Knowing his caveman of a partner, they’ll be eating wild boar for dinner or something.

 

“Danny, you gotta eat, doc said you were underweight.” Steve takes the seat opposite him, eyes pleading.

 

He resolutely shakes his head, “No Steven, I’m not hungry, I’ll just end up throwing it up later anyway” He mutters back, suddenly angry.

 

Steve sighs and shakes his head, “Whatever you say Danny, I’m gonna go and grab some hunting gear from the truck” He stands and leaves the cabin, leaving him alone.

 

He can’t eat anymore, and pushes the half-eaten sandwich away. Thankful that Steve’s not there to give him, yet another, death glare. Nevertheless SuperSEAL returns just moments later, and yep, there’s the glare. He sits back and crosses his arms defiantly, Steve rolls his eyes.

 

Then he’s being dragged up and his hiking boots are being thrust at him, he’s powerless to resist as he’s pushed out the door and onto the porch, finally allowed to sit and tie his laces. Steve’s already ready, dressed in camo gear, with a rife casually slung over his shoulder. Shit.

 

His worst fears are confirmed when, an hour later, finds him tromping through the undergrowth after Steve, whose gone into full Rambo mode, face paint included. He’s been relegated to following Steve and holding anything they catch, which is why he has, what Steve had promised, is a wild chicken slung over his shoulder. 

 

He’s covered in mud, something he swears Steve did deliberately. It had happened when Steve had thought he’d seen an animal and shoved them both to the ground to hide. Steve had come up looking gleeful as he tried to wipe the mud off his face and just ending up spreading more.

 

The sun’s setting by the time they finally get back to the cabin, he’s feeling utterly rotten, and he’s sure Steve does these thing deliberately just to piss him off. He dumps the two chickens and a boar that he’s lugged all the way back here to the ground and stomps inside, he strips off his clothes on the way to the shower, leaving them in a trail through the main room.

 

Once he’s finally got mud out the places where mud should definitely not go, he comes out to find Steve casually leaning against the door, still dressed but with the paint rubbed off his face.

 

“You finished princess” Steve smirks at him.

 

He scowls and pushes past Steve to rummage in his duffle for a clean pair of sweats and a tee. Steve disappears into the bathroom and he takes the time to rub the towel though his hair, leaving it a mess. It’s not like Steve packed him some fucking hair gel or anything, useless idiot.

 

A quick check outside finds that Steve’s been busy while he was showering, all the animals have been prepped and he can see that the grill’s already on. Jesus, Steve must have been grown in some Navy lab and fed testosterone, he couldn’t be more manly if he tried.

 

He heads back inside and crashes onto the couch, picking up the book he’d been reading from the coffee table. He flicks to where he’s gotten to and starts to read, it’s some trashy crime thriller with an obvious plot line, but it’s better than interacting with Steve

 

Speak of the devil, said man emerges from the bathroom amidst a cloud of steam, seems Mr SEAL has broken his cardinal rule about the whole three-minute showers thing. He ignores him in favour of going back to his book, continuing where the jaded protagonist was questioning a teenage prostitute. He sighs, it sucks when you can actually relate to fiction, thinking back to the number of times he’s interviewed girls who are far too youngto be out on the street.

 

“So Danno, you wanna come and help me cook?” Steve asks cheerily, magically coming to stand infant of him, already dressed in another pair of cargos and a tee.

 

He shoots him a look, of _course_ he doesn’t want to go and help Steve cook, he freely admits that he’d really like a few pills right about now. Unfortunately he’s still stuck with Steve as his keeper, which means that getting anything stronger than an Advil is very _very_ unlikely scenario… like ever. In fact, even the Advil would be pushing it.

 

Steve doesn’t seem to want to take no for an answer and grabs the book out of his hands, tossing it onto the coffee table before pulling him up and pushing him over to the kitchen. Before he quite knows what’s going on, he’s standing there chopping vegetables to go with the meat. Steve leaves him to it with a quick squeeze on his shoulder.

 

The smell of meat soon wafts to him, and he takes a quick look out the window to see Steve happily grilling away, tongs in one hand and large piece of boar in the other. He leaves Steve to his manliness and goes back to chopping up a couple of peppers, tossing them in the pan to fry them off.

 

He’s just transferring the vegetables onto a plate when Steve strides back in, wide smile on his face, “Meat’s almost done, you wanna bring the veg out?” He phrases it like a request but it’s clearly a command. 

 

He picks up the plate and follows Steve out, it’s a pleasant Hawaiian evening, still warm but with a gentle breeze, the sun just starting to set. In fact, now he comes to think of it, it’s pretty romantic too. He’s acutely aware of that fact that it’s just him and Steve, in some secluded cabin, having dinner looking out over the sunset. He starts to wonder if this trip had double intentions.

 

But Steve’s looking happy, and he doesn’t really want to begrudge him that, God knows he’s been putting up with his shit for the last few days. He can’t believe it was only yesterday that he was in the hospital, this place feels like a million miles from there.

 

He dutifully takes the plate Steve offers him, piled high with food, even though it can’t have been more than an hour since he last ate. God this is worse than when Steve came back from Korea and Grace spent and entire weekend force-feeding him because _‘you’re too skinny Uncle Steve, you’re all sharp and bony’,_ the memory makes him smile, seeing Steve sitting at his kitchen table while Grace shoved malasadas in his face is a sight he’ll never forget. Maybe this is payback?

 

There’s two wooden chairs set next to the cliff-edge, it’s so like the set-up at the back of Steve’s house. They eat in silence, that quickly goes from comfortable to awkward, he blames Steve for the constant staring.

 

He huffs and turns to him, “Steven, seriously stop staring, there’s a beautiful sunset right there” He waves his hand over to where the sky’s gone shades of pink and orange.

 

Steve doesn’t stop staring, breaking out into a goofy smile, “You’re just as beautiful Danno” He says without a hint of sarcasm.

 

“Sap” He mutters, turning away from Steve and looking back down to his plate, and if he’d had doubts about what this trip meant, they’re gone now. He’s being seduced by his Navy SEAL partner, and knowing Steve, he’ll get his way.

 

Okay, so he may like Steve… a tiny bit, but that’s never been an option until about twelve hours ago. He’s gotta admit that he should have seen the signs, he’s gone into two war zones to get Steve, you don’t do that to someone unless you _really_ care about them. Also, one does not spoon with their male partner in a platonic way.

 

But, to be fair, he’s got a pretty shit track record with relationships, what with one divorce and one stabbing by crazy ex-husband. He’d hate to fuck up his relationship with Steve as well, right now, it’s probably the only thing keeping him together.

 

“How you feeling?” Steve suddenly asks, putting down his finished plate on the grass next to him.

 

“Uh, slightly better I guess, still not that hungry and I guess pretty moody-“ He’s interrupted by Steve’s laughter.

 

“Danno, you’ve been moody since the day we met” He interjects.

 

“Fuck off, fine then, more moody than normal. That’s about it” He says honestly, avoiding Steve’s eyes.

 

“You look tired” 

 

“Hmm, yeah, haven’t been sleeping well for the past few months” Okay, it’s more like years, but Steve doesn’t have to know that.

 

“Come on, if you’re not gonna eat anything else, you can help me tidy up” Steve stands and offers him a hand up, which he takes in the interest of showing that yes, he can play nice with others.

 

He ends up wrapping the leftover meat (Which is most of the boar and at least one chicken) in tinfoil and putting it in the fridge, and at this rate, they’ll be eating it for the rest of the week. While Steve’s cleaning off the grill and tidying up their plates.

 

Naturally they migrate over to the lounge area, this time Steve sprawls next to him, throwing a casual arm around him. They put on some terrible made-for-TV film that has no-name actors overreacting to everything. 

 

Over the course of the film, Steve moves gradually closer to him, until their bodies are pressed up together, he’s not sure quite what to do, does he really want to do this? Well, the answer to that is yes, but is it a good idea? Is it worth the risk of possibly losing his beat friend, he lost Rachel that way, he’s not such he could take another break up like that.

 

“Relax Danny, you’re fine” Steve reassures him gently, squeezing his shoulder.

 

The movie almost sends him off to sleep, with it’s awful plot and mindless acting, but he’s jerked awake by Steve poking him in the chest, asshole.

 

“Come on, let’s go to bed, we’ve got a action-packed day tomorrow” Steve says with a knowing smirk tomorrow, pulling off the sofa and propelling towards the bathroom, ignoring his protests, as usual.

 

The words ‘action-packed’ should never be said by Steve, because he bets that it’ll end in explosions and gun shots. 

 

He pushes it out of his mind as he brushes his teeth and gets ready for bed, Steve slides past him when he comes out of the classroom, way to close with a smirk and a wink. He probably thinks he’s so smooth.

 

He’s already in bed by the time Steve comes out, curled on one side. He secretly hopes that Steve will hold him again tonight, and he’s not disappointed when there’s a rush of cool air as the covers are lifted before warm arms are encircling him, pulling him flush against Steve’s chest. It’s nice and it’s been far too long since he’s had this sort of intimate body contact.

 

“Go to sleep Danny” Steve commands gently, placing, what he thinks, is a soft kiss to the back of his neck.

 

He does.

 

—————

 

The rest of the week passes in much the same way: He’ll force Steve to sleep in with him, just because it’s the only time he isn’t plagued by nightmares and he’s got about four years of sleep to catch up on. Then Steve will make him breakfast, something cooked and unhealthy, which is so un-Steve he almost laughs. His appetite has slowly started to return, and he’s never short of food with Steve shoving something at him every hour, from power bars to sandwiches. Then they’ll be a forced excursion into the great outdoors, whether it be hiking, swimming or, on one occasion Steve taking him up the ridge to teach him how to use a sniper. That had been fun, especially seeing Steve handle the gun with such ease, lying down and stretching out to take aim.

 

In the evenings, he’ll help Steve cook, they slowly get through the rest of the boar and chicken although Steve also cooks steaks. There’s notably no alcohol in sight, not even a lone longboard, which means that Steve’s making sure he goes full cold turkey.

 

Not that he minds too much, he’s feeling better than he has in months, the lingering iffiness from the first few days long gone. He’s sleeping better too, safely tucked in Steve’s arms, like some stupid rom-com cliche, but it works and he’s not one to complain that he hasn’t dreamt of shooting Reyes or that Columbian prison since.

 

He’s still not a hundred percent sure where he stands with Steve right now, he would ask but that would risk jeopardising the nice atmosphere and he doesn’t want to do that, not when he’s feeling so relaxed and calm, not longer on edge. He think Dr Koi will be proud of him when they come back. So he and Steve have cuddled on the sofa, spooned in bed, but apart from that it their normal personal space, which is none. Steve still slaps him on the back and pulls him in for one-armed hugs, it’s so like how it was, before things started really going down hill.

 

It’s their final night here and they’re sitting out on the chair next to the cliff, he’s got a glass of orange juice and Steve’s got water. They’ve been sitting in silence enjoying the last of the sunset.

 

“So,” Steve starts suddenly, startling him out of his thoughts, “How are you feeling now?” He asks hopefully, turning to face him with an open look on his face.

 

A small part of him, the vindictive and spiteful part thats still screaming at him to hide away and shut everyone out, is telling him to lie, to make Steve hurt like he’s been hurting. However, the more rational and calmer part of his mind, the one that’s finally emerged out of a haze of drugs and denial knows he can’t lie to that face. Because Steve’s been hurt too, and he isn’t selfish enough to make Steve believe that all the effort he’s put in has been for nothing.

 

“Better” He finally says, “I think…that it was good to get away, get some perspective” This trip has given him perspective on his life, allowed him to see that the past is in the past and that it wasn’t that his friends don’t care for him, but he put up walls around himself that stopped them seeing how bed he really was.

 

“I glad to hear it Danno, we’ll have you as good as new soon enough”

 

“Yeah like that car, that you _still_ haven’t finished fixing” He can’t resist the little jibe at the Marquis.

 

Steve smirks, “Well, you’re still gonna be on leave, so maybe you could have a crack at it” He suggests.

 

“Nope, I am not going anywhere near that thing, I still haven’t forgiven it for breaking down that one time”

 

“Oh come on! That was years ago, and I’m sure that with your amazing skills, you’d have it running better than the day it rolled off the production line”

 

“Flattery will get you nowhere McGarrett” He slaps Steve on the shoulder.

 

“Still, I’m not gonna let you back until you’re properly better Danno”

 

He sobers, this has been the elephant in the room, along with the whole seduction thing. Steve’s perfectly within his rights to make sure that his partner isn’t gonna have a mental breakdown in the middle of a firefight or something. Despite how much it pains him to say it, Steve’s right and he _does_ need this.

 

“Okay, whatever you say. Hey, maybe I’ll learn to surf while you’re at work” Because he has to do something, otherwise he’ll turn into Steve’s kept man.

 

There’s a flash of possessiveness in Steve’s eyes, “If anyone’s gonna teach you how to surf, it’ll be me” He commands.

 

“Okay babe, keep your pants on, but I have to do something while you’re running around saving the islands from the criminal of the week”

 

Steve sighs, “I may have asked Mary to come over for a bit”

“You _what!_ Now I get _another_ McGarrett babysitter” Jesus, Steve’s control freakishness knows no bounds.

 

“Danny! No, that’s not what I meant. She’s been thinking of coming over for a while and.. well, she’s been through the same thing with the drugs.”

 

Okay, so he gets Steve’s point, and Mary’s always been a nice girl, he gets why Steve’s done it but a little heads up would have been nice.

 

“Ugh, you’re right” He admits, and Steve grins.

 

The sun’s finally disappeared and it’s dark out now, the only illumination is from the porch light, but Steve’s facing the other way and he can’t see the look on his face.

 

He startles when a hand comes up to cup the side of his face tenderly, then Steve’s murmuring to him, “God, Danny, you’re amazing” and stroking his cheek.

 

He’s frozen in place, captivated by Steve’s warm hand and gentle words, the honesty and love in those words makes him want to cry and he can feel the tears welling up in his eyes.

 

He doesn’t manages to blink all of them away and a few escape down his cheek, Steve just wipes them away with his thumb and makes a soft sounds to calm him. He leans into the touch, relaxing.

 

“Come on, let’s head inside before you get cold”

 

That’s another thing Steve’s been doing, always insisting he’s warm, often throwing a sweater at him or draping a blanket over his shoulders. When Steve had gotten up to make breakfast, he drifted off again only to wake and find another four blankets piled on top of the covers. Maybe it’s something to do with the weight thing, he has to admit that he’s a lot thinner than he was, he’d had to buy a smaller belt after a while.

 

Steve gently lays one hand around his waist, guiding him up and out of the chair and toward the house, the shakes have gone but he appreciates the thought. Once inside, Steve continues to treat him like he’s made of glass, it would have pissed him off even a week ago, but now he’s done with the whole denial thing. 

 

He’s fragile right now, and he’s probably going to be fragile for a while longer. But he trusts Steve to take care of him, something that he’s probably incapable of doing for himself at the moment. 

 

He’s already dressed in sleep wear, another habit he’s picked up over the week, after having occasional afternoon naps. So Steve’s free to put him to bed, like he’s a kid. He closes his eyes and listens to Steve move around the cabin, putting stuff in the kitchen and going to the bathroom. Minutes later, Steve slips in behind him and takes up his usual position. Stroking over the exposed skin on his hip. It’s become comfortable and he enjoys having Steve’s solid body as reassurance there with him….

 

————

 

Their last morning at the cabin consists of them packing up everything, and packing up the truck to head back into the city. It’ll be sad to leave this place, it’s grown on him while he’s been here and he cans see the appeal of having such a secluded place.

 

Even better, he feels ready to face his problems, Steve’s already told him he has an appointment with that counsellor the day after tomorrow, and Mary’s flying in the day after that, when Steve’s due back at Five-0.

 

He falls asleep again on the ride home, tipping his seat back until he’s comfortable. He wakes up again when they pull up outside Steve’s, with, yet another, blanket draped onto of him. Where does Steve even get them from? He stretches and pulls it off of him, hopping out to help Steve unpack. It’s getting hot now, and he’s almost debating whether or not he could take the ribbing from Steve if he went for a dip in the ocean.

 

In the end, he needn't have worried, as soon as they’ve got everything inside, Steve’s throwing a pair of his board shorts at him, (He’s going to kill Chin for packing them for him) and propelling him upstairs to change.

 

It seems that a weeks away from water has got Steve all worked up, and he’s bouncing up and down on the spot next to the back door, he stand there and leans against the wall until Steve forcibly grabs him and drags him outside by his hand.

 

He’s not expecting Steve to actually _pick him up_ and carry him in like some blushing bride, Steve ignores his protests until he’s waist deep, at which point he lets go and he drops into the water unexpectedly.

 

Seems Steve’s coddling has ended now, as he comes up spluttering and vowing to murder Steve, whose standing a few feet away laughing. He may have lost weight, but even Steve’s no match for him when he throws himself at the man, successfully dunking him. He’s grinning in satisfaction when Steve emerges looking like a soggy kitten, pouting.

 

He’s forced to keep pace with Steve while they swim, and he’s exhausted by the time the get out, it’s not easy to keep up with a Navy SEAL, especially when he’s not at his fittest. He swears Steve’s doing this just to prove a point.

 

He collapses on the sand, panting, while Steve stands over him, grinning.

 

“Come on Danno, that was a barely a little splash, we really need to get you fitter”

 

“Fuck off you ass, not all of us are bloody SEALs, now leave me here to die” He throws an arm over his eyes.

 

“Sorry, no can do. We’ve gotta go get cleaned up, Chin and Kono are coming over later”

 

“Awesome, maybe they’ll save me from you and your ways” He doesn’t budge off the sand.

 

“My way?” Steve questions with a laugh.

 

“Yeah, you whole ‘exercise and in touch with nature bullshit’” He clarifies.

 

“You mean ‘healthy living’?”

 

“Whatever, it’s torture”

 

“Your fault”

 

He sits up and stares at Steve incredulously, “My fault? _My fault!_ How the fuck are your antics my fucking fault? All of this is your fault!”

 

Steve slams into the sand next to him, “There it is Danno. Was wondering when you’d come out and say it” He says lightly.

 

Fucking Steve and his fucking ways and just generally fuck Steve. That asshole, thinking that he knows everything. What’s saying it going to do? Steve obviously knew he blamed him. Fucking fucker can go fuck himself.

 

“Piss off, I’m going for a shower” He mutters, pulling himself up and trudging inside. Just to spite Steve he takes his bathroom, with the nice shower and relegates him to the leaky one downstairs.

 

He takes his time as well under the hot water, hoping to use as much as it up as he can. Again it’s pretty petty, but right now he’s fuming again. Surely being around a nutcase cannot be good for his mental health. He’d be better in a nut-house at this rate. At least they have restricted visiting so he wouldn’t have to see Steve all hours.

 

He gets out and wraps himself in two towels, because he’s not done pissing Steve off and wanders into the guest room, the bathroom door’s closed and he can hear the water running. Great, now Steve’s decided to just invade her personal space, not that he’s every had any.

 

If he had a swear jar, it’d be full to brimming by now and he quickly chucks on a pair of jeans and a tee, casual wear and leaves. There’s nowhere he can go in the house, bar getting the keys to the Camaro and leaving. Actually, thats’ not a bad idea, Steve’s left them by the door, obviously not perceiving him a flight risk anymore. Can you even be a flight risk if you’re not even under house arrest? 

 

It doesn’t matter now, he has the keys and is out the door before he can even fully think about it. He’s so done putting up with Steve, he’ll text him later but right now he’s going home. To sleep in his own bed.

 

He revs the engine a few times and guns it, speeding off onto the highway and back towards Honolulu. It’s refreshing to finally have some control and he even stops for malasadas on the way, loving how there isn’t anyone to bitch at the unhealthy choice.

 

Steve calls him just as he’s walking back towards the car.

 

“ _Danny, where the hell are you?”_

 

“Went out of malasadas” He explains lightly.

 

“ _Oh, you should’ve said, when are you gonna be back?”_

 

“Hopefully never, I’m heading back to my apartment” 

 

“ _Danny?”_ Steve questions.

 

“I. am. going. back. to. my. apartment. where. I. currently. live.” He explains slowly.

 

He hears Steve’s grunt of frustration, “ _That’s not what I meant”_

 

“Enlighten me then, what did you mean?” He knows he’s playing dumb.

 

“ _Danny just get back here, we can talk”_

 

“We are talking Steve”

 

“ _Fuck it, stay where you are, I’m coming”_ Steve says and hangs up.

 

The stand’s only about a five minute drive away, and no way’s he waiting around for Steve, he dumps the bag on the passenger seat and pulls away, thankfully not spotting the truck behind him.

He’s only a few miles away when he remembers that he hasn’t got anything in and stops at the nearest supermarket. Steve’s been constantly ringing him and he’s been ignoring it.

 

He’s standing in the produce isle when Chin and Kono start calling, he picks up the third time.

 

“Yeah” He answers.

 

“ _Steve’s about to have a meltdown you know_?” Is how Kono greets him.

 

“It was either me or him”

 

“ _He said you were getting on bette_ r”

 

“He was wrong” He’s really not in the mood to of through this now.

 

“ _Danny?_ ” Fuck, that’s Steve and she really should have told him he was there.

 

“Steven, how wonderful to hear from you again” He says sarcastically.

 

“ _Why are you in Walmart_?” And now they’ve traced his phone.

 

“Buying food, like most people do in supermarkets”

 

“ _But there’s plenty of food at the house_ ”

 

“So you go and eat that and I’ll go to mine and eat this”

 

“ _You’re being obtuse_ ” Steve says, sounding annoyed.

 

He sighs and rubs a hand over his face, “And you’re being a fucking controlling bastard, but I guess we all have our faults” He shoots back icily.

 

He knows Steve must be pacing right now, _“Danny please, just come back. I won’t harass you anymore, I promise_ ” He pleads.

 

He feels the tiniest pang of remorse at that, “Urgh, look you’ve been at me for the last week, I just need some space from you alright?” He tries to reason.

 

“ _What if I stay at the office for the rest of the day_?” Damn, Steve’s getting desperate.

 

“What if I stay at my apartment all day?”

 

“ _What if you go out and buy more drugs?_ ”

 

“I could easily go from your house” That’s a shit argument and Steve knows it.

 

“ _Danny_ ” Steve warns.

 

“Oh my God! Just leave me alone” He hangs up and stuff his phone back into his pocket before going back to choosing which peppers to get.

 

Then there’s hand on his shoulder and he's being pulled around to face Steve. Whose looking down at him with a mixture of worry, anger and resignation on his face.

 

He sighs and raises one eyebrow at him, waiting for Steve to speak.

 

“Please?” Is all Steve says and it completely undoes him, Steve sounds so pleading and desperate.

 

He sighs, “Fine fine, whatever, I’ll go back, doesn’t mean I’ll enjoy it though” Throwing up his hands.

 

Steve smirks and takes his arm, abandoning the trolley and marching him out the door. He must have gotten a lift here since both Chin and Kono are standing against the car, both looking a little pissed.

 

“I’m surprised your not in full tac gear” He quips when Steve not-so-subtly gets the keys off him and slips them in his own pocket.

 

“It was a near thing brah” Chin deadpans back.

 

“Steven, you didn’t have to bring out the whole cavalry”

 

“You ran away!” Steve says indignantly, and no way is he having his conversation in the middle of the parking lot.

 

“I did not! At what point was I hiding where I was from you? I told exactly where I was going and what I was doing. That’s not running away, that’s leaving” He argues.

 

“Semantics” Steve mutters back.

 

He turns to Chin and Kono, “Please save me from him, he’s unbearable”

 

They both smirk and turn to get in the car, “Nah, you got yourself into this! Consider it motivation!” Kono calls as Chin executes a perfect u-turn and guns the engine, leaving them alone again.

 

“You gonna keep acting like a child?” Steve asks he’s guided back over the Camaro and put int he passenger seat.

 

“You gonna keep treating me like one?” He counters, and he’s still not 100% over the shit Steve pulled over.

 

They’re back not he highway before Steve talks, “So, why do you blame me?”

  
It’s a simple enough question and he has no doubt as to it’s meaning.

 

“You ignored me, for months. I kept getting panic attacks from stunts you pulled” 

 

“So why didn’t you say anything?”

 

“I-“ He starts, but the truth is there wasn’t a good reason of why he didn’t. He could have easily talked to anyone, it didn’t have to be five-0. There were loads of shrinks around.

 

“Oh”

 

Steve smiles softly, “And there’s the second one”

 

“Fucker” He says, but there’s no heat behind it.

 

“You love me”

 

“Whatever, sleeping together meant nothing, it was purely for survival” 

Steve grins, “Yeah yeah, keep telling yourself that. And I assume that cuddling on the couch was also necessary?”

 

“Stockholm syndrome” He replies.

 

“Damn, and I was going to offer my bed again tonight, but if you’re not gonna appreciate it…”

 

“Okay fine, I enjoy sleeping with you! Is that what you wanted to hear?”

 

“Yep, and I have to admit, you’re super cute when you sleep, your nose scrunches up and you get the most amazing bed-head…”

 

“Steven, please stop waxing poetic about how I sleep, it sounds creepy”

 

“Maybe I’ll take pictures instead”

 

“Stop, stop, no that’s _worse”_ He cries, gripping the oh-shit bar as Steve has to swerve to avoid a semi that runs the red light at the intersection.

 

They get back to Steve, in one piece, with his car intact, although his nerves are frayed and he thinks he’s about to have a panic attack, one that’s not even Steve’s fault this time.

 

Steve notices something’s wrong almost as soon as they’re out of the car, and he gently takes his arm and guides him to the door as his breathing quickens, he starts feeling dizzy and that bone-deep fear settles within. This one feels worse than all the others, maybe because he hasn’t had one in a while and he doesn’t have anything to curb it.

 

Steve’s handling it like a pro though, doing everything you should when someone’s having an attack, he’s probably asked the doctor at some point and right now he couldn’t be more grateful to not be going through it alone.

 

He thought Steve would put him on the sofa, but instead he takes him out onto the lanai and puts him in the hammock, he thankful that he’s out in the open. He’s vaguely aware of Steve taking off his shoes and climbing in alongside him, putting one arm around him and stroking the other over his chest, where it feels like his heart’s thudding out of his ribcage.

 

Steve’s voice filters through the haze, “-on my breathing Danno, match your breaths to mine” Then he’s taking one of his hands that clenched tight and moving it onto Steve’s chest, where he can feel the slow and steady beat of Steve’s heart.

 

It reassures them that they’re still alive, they’ve escaped death again and soon he’s only taking three breaths for everyone Steve does, down from five. He can feel the vise around his chest loosening and he can finally take deeper breaths, get enough oxygen into his lungs to stop the feeling like he’s being suffocated.

 

He notices that Steve’s got one leg on the ground, gently rocking them, it’s calming, as is the constant sound of waves crashing on the beach. His constant presence is also soothing, making him finally realise that he doesn’t need the pills anymore, he’s got Steve now.

 

When it’s finally over, and he can curl into Steve’s side and just savour being able to take long, deep, even breaths.

 

Then Steve’s leaning down and pressing a kiss to his cheek, one hand still drawing patterns on his skin where his tee’s ridden up, it’s intimate and the contact he craves.

 

“You’re going to make it Danny” Steve murmurs against him.

He finally believes it, “Yeah, yeah I am” He replies sleepily, drifting into a comfortable doze with Steve by his side.

 


End file.
